Taking a look at what I am doing

 I don't think of myself as a mushy emotional person. I usually keep my feelings inside and I always thought this is where my art came from all that bottled up stuff I do not let out. I tell you as I get older and start to look at where my life has been and where I am now it is a roller coaster for sure and it makes me well kind of mushy. I have spoke about my dad on here... and what gets me is this; Here people are bopping along in life full of dreams and plans and then poof. Or you take great care of your home and your yard. You mow it and plant landscaping and it's like you feel compelled to do these things. But then poof. Who really gives a crud that you mowed the lawn every Wednesday? It just doesn't matter at this point because you are not here anymore. You always dreamed of going to Europe on vacation. But you know there was always something in the way and then poof. It must be my middle age creeping in or well the fact I have seen many loved ones over the years pass on in the prime of life. I myself have had a huge scare with cancer when my youngest was not even 1 year old. I thought I would never see her grow up and I have to remind myself of that because here she is 15 and you forget these things.

So the point of all of this mush is that I took a look at my Art and what am I saying and what am I trying to convey with all this. I wrote down what do I enjoy, what movies, tv books, art, studying family history and where do I find my Inspiration. It all rolled back to 5 main items 

Missed Opportunities 

Unfulfilled Dreams

Unfinished Business

Impending Doom 

and

Lives Cut Short

After this little study in introspection I feel like I have more of a direction and well and explanation to my friends and family of why I do what I do, and no I am not depressed and no I did not have a bad childhood lol I am just trying to make a link, dot the i's so to speak or put a period at the end of all of this in my own way ;)